About a Boy…

I didn’t think subbing could get any worse than it did Monday, when I wrote out 17 detentions slips for a 6th grade class.  It did.  I should have know it was going to be bad when the principal came in during homeroom and threatened to take away their Christmas party if they misbehaved today.  Well, they sure as hell aren’t having a Christmas party this year, after the shit they pulled today.  Which is really unfortunate for the dozen kids who behaved and tried to do their work.

There were 31 kids in the class.  I had to use a microphone.  If you have to use a microphone, I think it’s a pretty clear indication that the class is too damn big!  The district is so underfunded it’s ridiculous and it is the kids and the teachers who suffer.  For now.  In about 10 yrs, society is going to reap what it’s sowing and it’s not going to be pretty.

I wrote detention slips for 8 kids, and that was after I had warned them about 5 times.  6 of those kids decided to just rip them up and skip detention.   Of course, someone narc’ed on them, so I went out to the playground and found the little bastards, all of which went to the principal’s office.

I went to the faculty lounge while they were at PE and the teachers there filled me in on the class- “they’re a bunch of assholes!”  Um, yeah, I kinda figured that out.  “Watch out for the psycho!”  oh, you mean Jack?? The kid who spent all morning talking to a glove on his hand and drawing pictures of decapitated bodies???  That kid?  Or is there another psychopath I should know about?!  The kid looked like a serial killer.  I threw him out twice.

Then one teacher came over and whispered that one of their faculty members killed himself last month.  Just in case any of the kids brought it up.

Over the course of the day, the principal came back in twice.  They didn’t show her much respect either, so it wasn’t just a case of “torture the sub.”    The teachers in the lounge were right- the kids were just a bunch of assholes, plain and simple.  Products of their environment.  I blame the parents, 100%.  Kids will be kids, especially at that age, but the level of disrespect and complete disregard for authority was stunning.

When I turned in my key at the end of the day, they were amazed that I had stayed all day.  I didn’t realize I had the option of fleeing, or I probably would have!  They are not paying me enough to take this kind of shit!  It was so disheartening and depressing and infuriating…but one kid made it all worthwhile.

His name was Dustin.  You could tell he was dirt poor by the way he was dressed.  His clothes were too small and dirty, and he wore a black leather motorcycle jacket that was way too big for him.  He was a loner- sat next to my desk by himself, didn’t really seem to have any friends.  He sort of became my little helper.  Sweet kid.  When the recess bell rang he begged me to let him stay inside with me.  He said no one would ever play with him and they had been terrorizing him for 6 yrs and he’s “had enough of it.”  He wasn’t even angry, he was past that, it was like his spirit had been crushed.  So we talked.  His dad has “drug problems” and he doesn’t have a mom.  He and his dad were living with his dad’s girlfriend until she kicked them out, and now he stays with his grandparents.    He loves 2 things- his dirtbike and grey wolves.  So I told him I ride a motorcycle and we talked about bikes for awhile and then wolves and he totally lit up.  After that, we talked again about the other kids and I told him not to let it get to him.  I told him there will always be jerks in life and it’s ok to ignore them because there are people who care.  He started crying and said they had been mean to him for six years.  What do you tell a kid like that?  Jr high will be better?  High School will be better??  It might, but probably not.  He’ll be going to school with the same kids who terrorize him, until he graduates, IF he stays in school.  I didn’t really know what to say.  I told him he was an awesome, smart kid and he can do anything he wants in life.  At the end of the day I walked him to his bus and he thanked me for talking to him and complimenting his jacket and said he hoped I would come back.  Broke my fucking heart!  I literally broke down in tears on the way home.  Not because the kids had put me through hell- that pisses me off but hey, tomorrow’s another day.  (and I had a great class of 6th graders yesterday…a nice surprise)  I was just so upset to see that poor kid’s spirit crushed, not just by the other kids but by the adults in his life.  It just kills me.

So, I keep asking myself, “why am I doing this???”   Why am I on this path?  What is life trying to teach me now?  I don;t need this job.  I could quit tomorrow with no repurcussions.  This isn’t what I spent 7 yrs in college and grad school for.  The pay sucks.  Why am I doing this???   I suppose the answer is obvious.  Kids like Dustin is why I am doing this.  And the high school girl I had in my Home Ec class last week.  I am doing it b/c someone has to give a fuck.  If I help one kid, it’s worth all the BS.  I may never see Dustin again, but I know that he felt good about himself today.  That’s why I am not going to quit.